We all know that divorce is a stressful and emotional time in a couple’s life, but it doesn’t have to an antagonistic time, as well. There are ways to have an amicable divorce and prevent the emotional rollercoaster of divorce from escalating out of control.
One of the first and most important steps to having an amicable (friendly) divorce is to keep the lines of communication open. Let your spouse know that you are open to all forms of communication and that you are willing to talk about anything he/she may need to be clarified. If you can deal directly with your spouse, then you can cut down on the expense of a mediator and you will also bring greater transparency between your respective perspectives and priorities as well. One very important point in communication is to not place your children in the role of messengers between you and your spouse as they do not need the added strain or stress in an already stressful situation.
One of the biggest stumbling blocks in the way of any divorce, whether amicable of not, is finances. You and your spouse need to thrash out the money situation immediately because if you do not, then unpaid bills and other unpaid debt, will not only add to the financial strain now, but could actually cause bankruptcy in the future. Discuss how property will be divided up and how you will pay for the big purchase loans or payments, such as cars, boats or the house payment. If a couple can agree civilly to the division of property and the questions of spousal, if applicable, and child support, the divorce process can be so much less stress and animosity free.
When children are involved in a divorce, the process is more complex and exposes the children to feelings of insecurity, abandonment, grief and perhaps, even guilt. The end of a marriage does not mean that children lose a parent. Both parents should still be involved in making all major decisions for the children and raising them should be a joint effort. Make an effort to keep the other parent informed about the children’s needs and progress at school and other organizations. Do not make negative remarks about the other parent in front of your children or they may feel like they need to choose sides and this could cause feelings of insecurity and guilt. When it comes down to child custody, try to come to a reasonable agreement, one that will benefit the children, not just the spouses..
Divorce still may not be an ideal situation, but if both partners put a lot of effort and thought into making the process as easy as possible, an amicable divorce is possible.