The Keys to a Successful Breakup

The high divorce rate in this country is no surprise to anyone.  In first marriages, more than twenty percent of couples divorce within five years, and forty-eight percent divorce within twenty years.

Although the end of a marriage is a tumultuous, emotional event in one’s life, with such emotions as grief, anger, anxiety and even fear  being unleashed, research has shown that a couple can have a healthy breakup.

When a couple separates they need to cooperate with each other and not perceive the breakup up as a battle.  When a divorcing couple can control the intense feelings that arise and sit down and calmly discuss the issues and problems that have arisen in their breakup, their divorce will be healthier for everyone involved.

Many times a couple will need the assistance of a trained professional to negotiate their divorce.  Research has shown that a mediator can be beneficial in assisting a divorcing couple in reaching decisions that satisfactorily meet each other’s needs and expectations.  Mediation is many times a positive alternative to courtroom proceedings.

If there are children in the marriage, the divorcing spouses need to keep their emotions in check in front of their children and never speak negatively of each other in front of their children, as well.  Although divorce can be a traumatic event in a child’s life, research does show that the majority of children have adjusted well within two years following the divorce.  Parents can help ease their children’s emotional upheaval by keeping the conflict away from the children and by talking honestly and calmly to their children about why they are divorcing and about the changes the family will be going through in the near future.

It is important after the breakup of a marriage to take care of yourself, and one of the best ways to do so is to turn to family and friends for comfort and support when you are feeling overwhelmed by the changes in your life.  If you are still having difficulty coping with your new life, speaking with a family counselor or psychologist can assist you in dealing with your emotions and adjusting to the changes you are experiencing. 

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